As I mentioned in my last post, I am awaiting an obituary for Nellie Mulder, the daughter of Peter and Nellie. In an earlier post, I shared the letter that Peter had sent to his brother Jan after his wife had passed away. He wrote, “It’s a heavy day for me Jan, there I have a daughter who always must be under my eye. She is not trusted to just go out unless a person familiar is with her.” As it was first explained to me in the 1970s, Nellie was “slow.”
UPDATE:
the obituary came in, and I also heard about Nellie from my uncle who knows a lot about the family history.
SEE UPDATED INFO BELOW THE HEADSTONE PHOTO!!!
I had not been able to find anything on Nellie for years, although I had seen her image in the family photo when I was still in college.
She is in the front row, on our left, wearing glasses. Peter and Nellie are in the center of the front row and my great-grandfather Charles Mulder is to his mother’s left (our right).
Thanks to Find-a-Grave I found Nellie’s headstone and the year of her death.
DAUGHTER
NELLIE MULDER
1902-1968
She is buried at Greenwood Cemetery in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Who ordered the headstone? Her parents were both dead by 1968, so it must have been ordered by a sibling, and yet the stone says “daughter.”
But what was her life like after her mother died in 1932? The family story is that she wound up in an institution. But where? And who went to visit her? Was she happy?
THE UPDATED INFORMATION
Here is the obituary that arrived yesterday:
Couple this information with what is remembered by my uncle. He says that Nellie had Down syndrome and “was the happiest person in the family. She always remembered everyone’s name and gave the best hugs!” She stayed for periods of time with relatives in Grand Rapids and also with my great-grandfather in Caledonia.
Nellie also stayed in a “home” in Grand Rapids. Family always made sure to include Nellie in all the family gatherings until “age took its toll on both her and [her] older siblings.”
My uncle believes that Nellie’s grave was probably handled by the children of my great-grandfather’s youngest brother, “Uncle Pete.” To make clear: both great-grandpa and Pete were brothers of Nellie. Pete was a gravestone engraver, in fact, and died at age 64 of silicosis. Add this lung disease death to the tuberculosis deaths in the family, and it seems the Mulders were plagued with lung troubles.
Pete was a gravestone engraver, in fact, and died at age 64 of silicosis, four years before Nellie’s death. Add this lung disease death to the tuberculosis deaths in the family, and it seems the Mulders were plagued with lung troubles.
I don’t have a death certificate for Nellie (or her brother Pete, for that matter). But the obituary makes clear Nellie died in a nursing home. Whether this was the “home” she was living in or a nursing home because she needed medical care, I don’t know.
The obituary shows that Nellie was a member of Seventh Reformed Church in Grand Rapids. I got a kick out of that 7th! I have heard of 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, but not 7th! Here is a little history of the church that is still in existence:
Seventh Reformed Church has been in existence for well over a century. Our congregation was organized on May 1, 1890. It was the first church of reformed persuasion on the west side of Grand Rapids.
The first services were held at a temporary building located on Jennette Street between Twelfth and Leonard. In 1892 a new church building was completed, located on the corner of Jennette and Leonard.
Seventh, being a Dutch immigrant congregation, held all services in the Dutch language. In 1905 the first evening service was held in the English language, but not continued until 1919. Later in 1929 the morning service was also held in English, preceded by a Dutch service. In 1942 the Dutch service was moved to the afternoon and then in 1947 it was discontinued.
Our present church building was dedicated on June 18, 1952. In 1969 the East wing containing the pastor’s study, offices, Chapel and classrooms were completed. In 1989 as we began celebrations for our Centennial Year, another extension to the building was added in the form of a large foyer on the West side with more classrooms upstairs.
Eventually I expect to find the death certificates for Nellie and Peter and other members of the Mulder family. Part of the problem is that the Grand Rapids certificates do not seem to be readily available. They are quite expensive at $20 each, and I have to rely on staff to locate them.
The Family Kalamazoo 
You say you are waiting for her obituary—meaning you know there is one and a library is sending it, I assume? I hope it fills in the gaps. We know that society was not kind to the physically and mentally challenged back then (not that we’re so great now either).
Amy I got the obituary and some info from my uncle and have updated the blog post! Now I need death certificates!
OK, I will take a look! Thanks!
I guess it didn’t provide a lot of additional information aside from where she died. But the information about from your uncle certainly answered some of your questions. It sounds like your family was quite ahead of its time in caring for a Downs syndrome child and adult. Bravo for them!!
It did provide that she was a member of the church, though, which I find to be a good piece of information and maybe even a lead for that branch of the family. Thank you for your kind words, Amy!
I wonder if her burial and headstone weren’t arranged for and ordered before her parents passed. I wonder, too… my uncle was in an asylum in California and even though he had family in Ohio, they weren’t notified of his passing till well after he’d passed and was already buried in an unmarked pauper’s grave donated by the church to the asylum. If she were in an asylum, maybe her parents arranged for her eventual burial so she wouldn’t end up in a similar unmarked grave. Hopefully that obituary will give you some hints.
Jill, I got the obituary and my uncle shared what he knew about Nellie so I updated the post. The only thing is that the older generation seems to have passed on before Nellie died, meaning that she outlived all her siblings! That is so sad about your uncle. How very unfortunate! It now seems likely that Nellie’s nephews probably arranged for her funeral and headstone.
I’m so glad you received the obituary and updated. It is sad about my uncle but I don’t think anyone knew he was even IN California. He was a merchant marine and didn’t really have a home so I think it came as a shock when they were notified he was not only once in an asylum but also dead and buried in LA County. No one really quite knew what happened there but at least you have some answers to your puzzle.. that’s always a great feeling when you get closer to the whole truth. So glad for you!
I love getting answers, but then it’s always a matter of getting an answer and three more questions pop up ;). My dad’s uncle was in the merchant marines as well. I even wrote about him in one post, I think. https://thefamilykalamazoo.com/2013/07/23/a-sailor-in-the-family/
Maybe her parents made a provision for the gravestone in their will?
Corey, that is a good guess, but I now have more information and think it was probably her nephews. I updated the blog post with the obituary and my uncle’s recollections.
Fascinating, Luanne…I hope the obit is helpful. How many of us have had family members that were “different” in some way or the other??
I hope you can figure out what happened to her after her mother died…she lived many years if the headstone is correct.
Good luck!
Sheila, please check out the update! My uncle remembers Nellie and shared some information, and the obituary arrived!
Excellent!!
This is wonderful, Luanne!! I can’t believe you got the obit and that Nellie was a member of the Seventh Reformed Church – isn’t that fascinating????
I loved the history of the church and the language change through the years.
I have a close Dutch friend who is a professor of history here at the University of South Carolina and she has a fellowship to return to The Netherlands next school year with her husband and son to teach for a year over there. Her parents are thrilled that her six-year-old son will be in a Dutch school near them for the year!
If you have anything she could help you with, please let me know!!
Oh, that’s very cool. What city or area is she from, do you know? Wasn’t that interesting about how they had Dutch language services? And how they gradually were phased out. I guess I had never thought about it before . . . . And 7th Reformed?! What a surprise that was.
That was really too interesting about the languages in the church services, Luanne. Honestly, I have a cousin who misses the Latin services in the Catholic Church, and I’ve never thought about it in other denominations like the Dutch Reformed. I will ask Saskia about her family’s roots – I think she’s going to be living in Amsterdam next year.
I hadn’t thought about it before either! I found it to be interesting. I’m sure there are other churches where this is true, too, with other languages. Somehow I never thought of it though. Maybe some Lutheran were in German, for instance.
Exactly!!!
What a poignant story. Someone must have paid for the grave marker — a sibling, niece or nephew, the state. Perhaps her parents left money for that purpose. I hope the obituary sheds more light.
I put a lot of thought into my sister’s grave marker, but I can’t recall what all it says. Beloved sister and daughter? I know her birth and date dates are included, not just the years. There’s a DAR marker too.
Do you not have a photo of her headstone or marker? Maybe I could ask a volunteer on Find-a-grave to find your sister’s grave, WJ. They take a photo and put it with the cemetery information on the site. Then if you like you can sponsor it for a $5 fee so that no ads appear. Information about her can be added, if you like, such as photos, dates, etc.
I have updated this blog post with some new information. Check it out if you have time!
What great information! I’m so glad that family memory still exists about her – especially that is was so fond. What a treasure and how wonderful that you have preserved that information.
I am so glad that my uncle reads the blog and was able to share this information about Nellie. You have to wonder how much valuable information gets lost when the “questions” aren’t asked, if that makes sense.
I agree! My great aunt died this past year. I had been trying to get ahold of her for months to ask her a question that only she could answer. She was quite ill and I never got to talk to her before she passed. That little story is now lost. I’m so glad your uncle reads your blog!
It seems horrible to ask history questions of someone I’ll or dying. I wouldn’t feel comfortable unless the person initiated it.
Yes it does, so I have a mystery on my hands.
You do!
I so enjoyed reading about Nellie and was happy to read how she was included with the family after the death of her parents. I didn’t notice anyone else mentioning they only saw one photo on the story – the top one. But in my reader it’s the only one showing and there are long empty sections between paragraphs. Maybe it’s just WordPress this morning. I’ll have to check back on a pc as I’m on my phone now. But it was a lovely story.
Oh no! You can’t see the documents?! Still?
I never checked on pc yet but still can’t on phone – odd. I read a few more stories and didn’t see them within the story. Maybe glitch on using my iPhone.
What I’ve got here is the photo, the headstone photo, and the obituary which I think is also a jpg. So you can only see the photo of the family?
I really enjoyed reading this post about Nellie. She sounds like a special person, and it’s wonderful that she hasn’t been forgotten.
Thanks so much, Sheryl. I wish I could have known her!