When I was in an antique mall, I picked up a clown doll. I do have a doll collection, but this clown didn’t fit the collection. I had no idea why I wanted it.
I’m not afraid of clowns, although some of these recent clown news stories could unnerve me if I experienced them. But when I got in the car with my “new” doll, I looked at it and said to myself, “Why did I want you?”
A week later, I was going through some old photos (as you know I do that a lot) and discovered this photo of myself at age two with my grandmother, my cousin Michael, and a doll.
Although it’s not the exact doll, it’s pretty close–even with the same markings. The one I found has a younger, sweeter face, whereas the one in the photo has a more mature face.
Did I have some memory of this doll that made me buy the one at the antique mall? Or did the experience of the earlier clown prepare me for a sense of familiarity when I saw the one for sale?
Was that my cousin’s doll–or mine? And who bought it?
Photos can be a mystery years later, even when you’re in the picture!
This post was inspired by Mary Louise Eklund’s post on Wednesday last week.
The Family Kalamazoo 
Wow! Could have been something like that, but I also believe those who have passed sometimes give us little nudges to help us remember them, or that they continue to be a presence in our lives, particularly those of us who do genealogy. ❤
It might be something like that. It seems so incredible that this happened. I never thought of buying a clown doll!
Spooky. Great story. Thanks
It is kind of spooky, now that you mention it. Well, it’s close to Halloween!
Hey thanks for the shout-out. Also love seeing your clown doll, have you shown the picture to your cousin and asked? It’s amazing what we do remember but don’t always know we remember. I’m sure your inner child knew why it wanted that clown and just had to wait for you to discover why.
That’s great! I found myself collecting the Desert Rose china pattern randomly, picking up pieces here and there on the cheap, and then my aunt reminded me that my grandmother had a huge collection! Totally had slipped my mind! By the way, I love that your grandma is wearing pearls! Mine always did too… I don’t think I ever saw her without them.
Wow! That gave me the chills! Have you asked your cousin if she remembers it? The brain is a freaky organ.
He, not she….
Amazing! Doesn’t this show how powerful memory can be (and how important it is to preserve family photos)!
Wonderful story. Familiarity and memory share parts of the same brain circuits, so your clown was familiar because you had seen something similar and it had left a memory trace, even if your couldn’t actually recall it.
It’s interesting how our memories can shape things that we like as adults.
I don’t know if your doll is a clown per se. May have been a lot like it with many variations. It used to be possible to buy a doll’s face and make the rest from leftover fabric, so their outfits may reflect what the women were making at the time. Few survive, as they were probably worn out and hard to wash.
wow! What a story! yes I believe you totally associated that doll with your grandmother and/or cousin! ❤
I love this. What a great story. The earliest memories have great power, even if you aren’t aware of them!
Can you imagine if we knew how our likes and dislikes and decisions are based off things that have happened to us in the past?!
You could do some meditation on it and an answer will come to you. It isn’t spooky at all.
I could if I could get a clear head. I need to work on that!